Thursday, April 28, 2005
like always it's been a crazy number of days (here's a cool website)
just got back from vegas - very decadent weekend with the girls - i wud tell you more but then i'll have to kill you - hahah, jk, we went clubbing - nothing bad. only thing weird was this guy came up to me in a club and was like - where are we going? he kinda confused me, and i didn't know how to answer. he wanted to dance, but after my weird look, backed off. and that was it. oh yeah, we made up fake names and jobs (like that commercial) mine was anastacia, ellen was beatrice, and aimee was chrissie - but when the guy asked me my name, i ruined it all, i forgot :op
so lately my life is on fast forward. i guess it's usually like that, either up or not - and it's at an up swing - no time to think - just work hard, play hard.
anyways, i've been thinking and praying a lot about missions this summer, and not sure if i shud go - my friend has good advice - that maybe i'm needed at home right now - as my family's emotional glue. it's a painful job, but somebody's got to do it.
i've also been praying about God using me in work, if the mission isn't possible this summer. so the weird thing happened (remember no coincidences!) i was meeting with our head corporation's VP - he's a real cool guy - and the conversation turned to me and what stories i chose not to do - and i said i see myself as a role model bC i'm a sunday school teacher - and then we started talking about our faith - he's a Christian too :) glad to know a believer is in charge. funny how that came up tho :)
just got back from vegas - very decadent weekend with the girls - i wud tell you more but then i'll have to kill you - hahah, jk, we went clubbing - nothing bad. only thing weird was this guy came up to me in a club and was like - where are we going? he kinda confused me, and i didn't know how to answer. he wanted to dance, but after my weird look, backed off. and that was it. oh yeah, we made up fake names and jobs (like that commercial) mine was anastacia, ellen was beatrice, and aimee was chrissie - but when the guy asked me my name, i ruined it all, i forgot :op
so lately my life is on fast forward. i guess it's usually like that, either up or not - and it's at an up swing - no time to think - just work hard, play hard.
anyways, i've been thinking and praying a lot about missions this summer, and not sure if i shud go - my friend has good advice - that maybe i'm needed at home right now - as my family's emotional glue. it's a painful job, but somebody's got to do it.
i've also been praying about God using me in work, if the mission isn't possible this summer. so the weird thing happened (remember no coincidences!) i was meeting with our head corporation's VP - he's a real cool guy - and the conversation turned to me and what stories i chose not to do - and i said i see myself as a role model bC i'm a sunday school teacher - and then we started talking about our faith - he's a Christian too :) glad to know a believer is in charge. funny how that came up tho :)
Friday, April 15, 2005
In E.Asia I learned that there is no such thing as coincidence.
And these last few weeks are testament to that.
It's been very challenging these last weeks with increasing work, level of responsibility and chaos in the family. And, yet, it's weird that through all my horribleness God has been speaking very clearly to me. I feel like I'm the constant prodigal son, running off to the world's bidding, only to come home crying after realizing there is nothing out there worth anything.
So, I'll start from the beginning. And like I said, there's no coincidences, only God's hand in everything.
Days before my friend C left, she used to be a believer but isn't anymore, I got this email. You see, even though she didn't believe, lots of us were praying for her, hoping for her to come back. She's one of those many leaders in campus ministry who left the faith after college. But even as she stopped believing, she would always bring faith up, as if there was something inside that was still curious. And, when she left, she announced that she was working on a book about Asian Ams and evangelism (imagine that? coming from an unbeliever). She wanted to focus on college campuses.
And this email came from nowhere, from SJSU AACF announcing an event. I was like, wow, perfect timing. I quickly gave C the contact.
Then, the AACF asked me to speak to their fellowship. I was all nervous inside and talked to Josh, my fellowship leader, about it. He was like, well, you mention it, we were wondering how to connect to SJSU. (coincidence?)
Then, we met: josh, aacf staff worker and me. And Josh starts talking about how he hopes the fellowship can reach community colleges, that it's heart is to reach those communities. And I was like, wait a second, I was just asked to speak to the Journalism Assoc. of Community Colleges and have connections with many....(coincidence?)
So, this past week I was supposed to speak to AACF, I was real down. Down because work was crazy and family was making me stressed. Then, in the mail I get this random package, from a lady I've never heard of from New York (the Merc doesn't circulate there, and it's kinda hard to navigate our website to find our address). Inside the package is a magazine which says: Encouragment From God. And this lady simply wrote the word "READ" on it. (coincidence?)
at the fellowship, i told them how it was even a miracle how i came to come there, how their staff worker really emailed me out of the blue, but how his timing was impeccable. Also how the Lord really had many whales in my life swallow me up, breaking me to the point, where I knew there was only one real priority in my life.
the day after after the talk, i had randomly scheduled a talk with a source, now a friend i guess. he asked how i've been and what i've been up to. and i was hesitant at first to open up, but when i said the word Christian, his eyes brightened up, and he was like, tell me your testimony. afterwards, he started talking to me about how he was Christian and how it's been a struggle following his beliefs with his pagan Catholic upbringing. He also talked about his latest challenge about not swearing, and how his friend would always swear, esp in front of his kids. I was like, tell him, that it's not ok - how i grew up hearing a lot of negative things and it still defines my self worth, who i date and who i am. i don't think i've ever been so open to a source before but while he was talking, i quickly prayed for guidance, and everything from that point flowed out. God was there in our midst.
one more thing, after my aacf talk, one of the leaders said that he's been praying for me for a real long time now, even though he didn't know who i was. you see, he and his friend were planning a mission trip to E.Asia again, and his friend said there's this girl he thot would be helpful to go, but she wasn't sure if she could go. and it was me.
you see, that friend spoke at my church some time ago. this was after my church's own mission trip fell through b/c only me and the pastor wanted to go. and the only other option was the high schooler's one week mexico trip that would primarily be supervisory. so i was bummed, because i wanted to meet people and talk to them. and then this guy comes to our church and talks about E.Asia, and going back to the place we went to last year.
and now, everytime i pray about it, all i can hear is the word "GO."
but i have a feeling that it won't be as simple as last year. Last year, my mom and me were late to church, so she and i crept into english service together (she usually doesn't come with me) and the pastor was talking about E.Asia - and she simply turned to me and was like, why don't you go? and the next day, i asked my boss, like - i have something to ask you, and you can say no, and then, without a pause, he said ok.
this time, my mom says, you went last year, why do u need to go again? and i know that with taking more vacation this year (trips to hk/tw earlier and 2 vegas trips) it'll be harder to argue i need more vacation)
but in a way, also, i know it'll be harder to ask the two of them, because they've come to depend on me more. it's been hard at home, and when you switch from the role of spoiled kid to advising your parents on what to do, it's really tough. truthfully, i've tried to avoid a lot of it, and that's why i've been traveling so much. but, my mom needs me.
as for work, i'm always there. and for my boss, a new dad, that's helpful.
the painful lesson, i've learned this week, is how to say no. i try so hard to please everybody that i don't know how to please God anymore.
Please pray for me and this potential God journey, and please pray that I stop my prodigal son cyle.
thx :)
And these last few weeks are testament to that.
It's been very challenging these last weeks with increasing work, level of responsibility and chaos in the family. And, yet, it's weird that through all my horribleness God has been speaking very clearly to me. I feel like I'm the constant prodigal son, running off to the world's bidding, only to come home crying after realizing there is nothing out there worth anything.
So, I'll start from the beginning. And like I said, there's no coincidences, only God's hand in everything.
Days before my friend C left, she used to be a believer but isn't anymore, I got this email. You see, even though she didn't believe, lots of us were praying for her, hoping for her to come back. She's one of those many leaders in campus ministry who left the faith after college. But even as she stopped believing, she would always bring faith up, as if there was something inside that was still curious. And, when she left, she announced that she was working on a book about Asian Ams and evangelism (imagine that? coming from an unbeliever). She wanted to focus on college campuses.
And this email came from nowhere, from SJSU AACF announcing an event. I was like, wow, perfect timing. I quickly gave C the contact.
Then, the AACF asked me to speak to their fellowship. I was all nervous inside and talked to Josh, my fellowship leader, about it. He was like, well, you mention it, we were wondering how to connect to SJSU. (coincidence?)
Then, we met: josh, aacf staff worker and me. And Josh starts talking about how he hopes the fellowship can reach community colleges, that it's heart is to reach those communities. And I was like, wait a second, I was just asked to speak to the Journalism Assoc. of Community Colleges and have connections with many....(coincidence?)
So, this past week I was supposed to speak to AACF, I was real down. Down because work was crazy and family was making me stressed. Then, in the mail I get this random package, from a lady I've never heard of from New York (the Merc doesn't circulate there, and it's kinda hard to navigate our website to find our address). Inside the package is a magazine which says: Encouragment From God. And this lady simply wrote the word "READ" on it. (coincidence?)
at the fellowship, i told them how it was even a miracle how i came to come there, how their staff worker really emailed me out of the blue, but how his timing was impeccable. Also how the Lord really had many whales in my life swallow me up, breaking me to the point, where I knew there was only one real priority in my life.
the day after after the talk, i had randomly scheduled a talk with a source, now a friend i guess. he asked how i've been and what i've been up to. and i was hesitant at first to open up, but when i said the word Christian, his eyes brightened up, and he was like, tell me your testimony. afterwards, he started talking to me about how he was Christian and how it's been a struggle following his beliefs with his pagan Catholic upbringing. He also talked about his latest challenge about not swearing, and how his friend would always swear, esp in front of his kids. I was like, tell him, that it's not ok - how i grew up hearing a lot of negative things and it still defines my self worth, who i date and who i am. i don't think i've ever been so open to a source before but while he was talking, i quickly prayed for guidance, and everything from that point flowed out. God was there in our midst.
one more thing, after my aacf talk, one of the leaders said that he's been praying for me for a real long time now, even though he didn't know who i was. you see, he and his friend were planning a mission trip to E.Asia again, and his friend said there's this girl he thot would be helpful to go, but she wasn't sure if she could go. and it was me.
you see, that friend spoke at my church some time ago. this was after my church's own mission trip fell through b/c only me and the pastor wanted to go. and the only other option was the high schooler's one week mexico trip that would primarily be supervisory. so i was bummed, because i wanted to meet people and talk to them. and then this guy comes to our church and talks about E.Asia, and going back to the place we went to last year.
and now, everytime i pray about it, all i can hear is the word "GO."
but i have a feeling that it won't be as simple as last year. Last year, my mom and me were late to church, so she and i crept into english service together (she usually doesn't come with me) and the pastor was talking about E.Asia - and she simply turned to me and was like, why don't you go? and the next day, i asked my boss, like - i have something to ask you, and you can say no, and then, without a pause, he said ok.
this time, my mom says, you went last year, why do u need to go again? and i know that with taking more vacation this year (trips to hk/tw earlier and 2 vegas trips) it'll be harder to argue i need more vacation)
but in a way, also, i know it'll be harder to ask the two of them, because they've come to depend on me more. it's been hard at home, and when you switch from the role of spoiled kid to advising your parents on what to do, it's really tough. truthfully, i've tried to avoid a lot of it, and that's why i've been traveling so much. but, my mom needs me.
as for work, i'm always there. and for my boss, a new dad, that's helpful.
the painful lesson, i've learned this week, is how to say no. i try so hard to please everybody that i don't know how to please God anymore.
Please pray for me and this potential God journey, and please pray that I stop my prodigal son cyle.
thx :)
