Thursday, November 24, 2005
happy thanksgiving everybody.
thanks for the well-wishes :0)
I'm alive and okay as i can be :) and going to china on saturday. i've been traveling a lot and basically been living out a suitcase - i like the change of scenery, but i guess its a bit of an escape mechanism.
a wish my friend told me is to be normal - i guess i don't even know what that feels like - normalcy. but with the holiday season in full gear, it helps to know that God is in charge and that He'll lead me through.
but i guess i'm also a bit of a drama queen and i like life to be a bit chaotic - makes it more interesting. like there cannot be ups without the downs. i think i've suffered enough downs that hopefully a rainbow should be appearing sometime soon.
so i'm going to china with my bro and my dad. for the longest time, me and my dad have butted heads...but it turns out that that around the time, or after my dad had his heart attack, he may have suffered a mild stroke with a bit of brain damage which explains his mean behavior. but then, now i can't even get mad at him back bC if this is true, he can't help it. sigh.
i hope we don't all kill each other in china.
thanks for the well-wishes :0)
I'm alive and okay as i can be :) and going to china on saturday. i've been traveling a lot and basically been living out a suitcase - i like the change of scenery, but i guess its a bit of an escape mechanism.
a wish my friend told me is to be normal - i guess i don't even know what that feels like - normalcy. but with the holiday season in full gear, it helps to know that God is in charge and that He'll lead me through.
but i guess i'm also a bit of a drama queen and i like life to be a bit chaotic - makes it more interesting. like there cannot be ups without the downs. i think i've suffered enough downs that hopefully a rainbow should be appearing sometime soon.
so i'm going to china with my bro and my dad. for the longest time, me and my dad have butted heads...but it turns out that that around the time, or after my dad had his heart attack, he may have suffered a mild stroke with a bit of brain damage which explains his mean behavior. but then, now i can't even get mad at him back bC if this is true, he can't help it. sigh.
i hope we don't all kill each other in china.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
i now blog once every month it seems :op I guess it's because i'm having trouble keeping my public and private persona apart - like where does backstage end and tigz begin?
well, this time the entry isn't a tale of woe, of horrible hit-ons from entertainment sleazy ones (though it has happened and I won't bore/excite u with the details) and it's not about fruit explosions or what kind of pocky i am now...
no, i'll be real with you. and unlike my bro's friend who spilled out his guts and was immediately made to delete the entry...i'll be quite frank, b/c i don't write as often and i'm not sure who's reading...so i guess i'll count it as therapy.
my sky is falling - it's krazy but i'm alive and well.
first of all it's work -- i wonder if this is where i'm supposed to be right now. work is a lil crazed with the industry changing so much.
there was a time where i wished God would shine a light on what i should be doing with my life and who i should be with...my dad gave me this simple formula that if i did well in elementary school, i would do well in jr high, then good grades in high school which would naturally lead to a good college where i would meet my future husband and then happily ever after.
um...yeah.
didn't quite work out that way i'm sad to say. i'm newly single and hating it. it hurts a lot and my parents are not asking me if i'm okay - instead they remind me that every single moment i'm single, i'm nearing my expiration date and soon i will have no options and die miserably.
right.
i guess it's not really a good time to bring up that i'm cool with adopting kids :OP
but seriously, i've spent my whole life trying to please, doing what i thought the guy in my life wanted. so last summer in china when my friends repeatedly asked me WHAT DO YOU WANT??? I stared at them blankly with no answer.
what do i want? i don't know yet. i've been buying into this whole fake idea that a guy should complete me - that i wasn't complete on my own.
there is a line in the wedding singer where the guy goes - all i want in a girl is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is okay.
and for the longest time that's all i wanted - someone to be there, hold me, and tell me everything was going to be okay.
and now with my parents screaming and my friends' solution to everything being EXTREME CLUBBING, I don't know - esp with all the freaks i've met (which may be the topic of a separate blog, if you're cool, i'll let you know the link - but...I guess now I'm stepping back.
I guess it's time for me to figure out what I want out of life and later who I want to be a part of it. I guess the reassuring thing is that I'm not in any hurry. i dont believe in expiration dates :op
pray that everything works out ok? :)
well, this time the entry isn't a tale of woe, of horrible hit-ons from entertainment sleazy ones (though it has happened and I won't bore/excite u with the details) and it's not about fruit explosions or what kind of pocky i am now...
no, i'll be real with you. and unlike my bro's friend who spilled out his guts and was immediately made to delete the entry...i'll be quite frank, b/c i don't write as often and i'm not sure who's reading...so i guess i'll count it as therapy.
my sky is falling - it's krazy but i'm alive and well.
first of all it's work -- i wonder if this is where i'm supposed to be right now. work is a lil crazed with the industry changing so much.
there was a time where i wished God would shine a light on what i should be doing with my life and who i should be with...my dad gave me this simple formula that if i did well in elementary school, i would do well in jr high, then good grades in high school which would naturally lead to a good college where i would meet my future husband and then happily ever after.
um...yeah.
didn't quite work out that way i'm sad to say. i'm newly single and hating it. it hurts a lot and my parents are not asking me if i'm okay - instead they remind me that every single moment i'm single, i'm nearing my expiration date and soon i will have no options and die miserably.
right.
i guess it's not really a good time to bring up that i'm cool with adopting kids :OP
but seriously, i've spent my whole life trying to please, doing what i thought the guy in my life wanted. so last summer in china when my friends repeatedly asked me WHAT DO YOU WANT??? I stared at them blankly with no answer.
what do i want? i don't know yet. i've been buying into this whole fake idea that a guy should complete me - that i wasn't complete on my own.
there is a line in the wedding singer where the guy goes - all i want in a girl is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is okay.
and for the longest time that's all i wanted - someone to be there, hold me, and tell me everything was going to be okay.
and now with my parents screaming and my friends' solution to everything being EXTREME CLUBBING, I don't know - esp with all the freaks i've met (which may be the topic of a separate blog, if you're cool, i'll let you know the link - but...I guess now I'm stepping back.
I guess it's time for me to figure out what I want out of life and later who I want to be a part of it. I guess the reassuring thing is that I'm not in any hurry. i dont believe in expiration dates :op
pray that everything works out ok? :)
