Tigz

my dad is in the hospital again.

he was having the same pains as he did when he had the heart attack last year.

please keep him in your prayers - i'm a bit of a wreck.

sigh.

i've never been the type to salivate at celebrities. tho admittingly for my 18th birthday some of my friends put together this boy box - they covered a box with abercrombie pictures - inside lay a huge poster of brad pitt, bare chested and all.

so that was my main poster freshman year of college - being a feminist, i put it up more as a hilarious thing than anything. it drove my ex bonkers.

like anybody i've developed a top 5 - thankfully or unthankfully? i've never interviewed any of them, so i've never made a fool of myself. here we go, in no particular order

- jet li
- chow yun fat
- takeshi kitano
- taye diggs
- tyrese

but come monday i'm interviewing andy lau - a guy in high school we all drooled about. now i get thirty minutes with the man - i hope i act decent!

There's something oddly wonderful about indulging in a Hostess cupcake - you know those bijillion calorie ones with the white swirled frosted on top and the frosting in the center.

I think its bc i used to eat them in kindergarden - ok, i was a super fat kid then but nonetheless, i just bought one and it's sunny and i'm happy.

btw, that crazy mango mango boba that i bot the other day - well, i was carrying it out - and i dropped it - and it spilled all over the carpet.

darn my clumsiness!! at any point in time, i will have at least one or two bruises - so i guess i'm not that surprised that it happened.

IT'S SUNNY!!! time to stop my brooding!

my bro started finally started work, quite close to me - so we had lunch together and had a fun time ranting about our psycho parents. i paid for lunch and he got me a boba - a crazy boba that has taken me all day to drink half...

it's part
- mango bits
- mango ice cream
- mango cream
- mango pudding
- not to mention BOBA!!!

it's great - lots of people were jealous of it as it sat on my desk - i didn't have the heart to tell them that my messed up lactate intolerant azn tummy was curdling - and i cudn't get thorugh it.

o wells....drinking more. i can't waste the bobas.

what's more now my boba powered self has to figure out how to clear my entire desk - even my drawer contents in time for our company cleaning on monday - if you've ever seen my desk - the craziness of the 4 years of stuffing newspapers underneath my desk - the random files falling everywhere, the cds in odd piles not to mention stuffed animals to take your attention away from the mess - you'll think i'm a mad scientist.

i don't think there's any way to clean this chaos. tho work did say anyone that doesn't clear everything off won't have their desk wiped - which is fine - i'm okay with messiness. it's the sign of an active mind :op

what is the difference between loving somebody and being in love? is there a difference?

and why do i only value something when it's gone?

for me loving somebody is like a higher powered crush, you care deeply about them.

and being in love is doing anything for them - like how Christ died for us. have i ever felt that i would die for someone? has it ever gone that deep?

ok, enough deep stuff, i can only take so much. silently gagging now.

the other day a friend was so kind (you know who you are) to tell me that i'm basically a guy except for anatomically. my best gf has told me that reading "he's just not into you" not only helped her understand guys but me as well. great. then i read my bro's men's health and was like --- oooh, now things make sense. craziness.

yesterday i talked with this tv anchor who kept going on and on about how beautiful i am - creepiness. i didn't want to say anything bc i kind of want to go into tv, but truthfully, i kind of wanted to sock him. sock him straight into the nose. i could too. i pack a mean punch and it'll leave a mark bc i wear rings.

overall i think i'm just growing more and more senile bc i'm staying at home. cabin fevery. i need to get out. the other day at this club, i met a 31-year-old who still lives at home, and his mom forces him to email girls to be his future wife. creepiness. i hope i don't turn into that.

hmmm, where do i want to be at 31?

accomplished author? truthfully i don't care as much about having a husband and kids, but if it happens, it happens. i just want to be happy but happiness doesn't have to include that.

as i figure out what to do next, i realize how really blessed i am - that i've accomplished a lot of things i've already set out to do, and everything else would be icing on the cake - even the cherry actually. i like cherries, but i can't do the tongue tie thing, sorry.

and truthfully, the worse case scenario won't be too bad - so, i'll be a bum backpacking in paris :)

egad, is this true?

The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf) Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss. Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards. Your exact opposite: The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy, The Loverboy CONSIDER: The Manchild

i've had one hell of a nite - first hit on by a guy in mandarin, then kissed on the cheek by a girl, and then another girl, well, she put her fingers through my hair and told me i was hot repeatedly.

all in the same club

they say the ultimate act of feminism is lesbianism but that's not something i'm debating right now.
did u ever wish somebody had the right words - i think them in my head and wish they could fall out of somebody else's lips making everything okay.

but my brother has a point - if somebody rises from this environment what can i really expect?