Thursday, May 26, 2005
i just finished reading this book "Native Speaker" - now i don't usually read. my brother makes fun of how i don't read - well, i read newspapers and zines, but not books. basically I read things that are written for others like me, with near ADD and can't dwell on one thing for too long.
but i read this book, and it's left me a bit unsettled. it was too real, too close, too raw, too close to home
i liked it, it's complexities and its texture
and how it described being foreign in the only home you know
i guess it's a feeling i've swept under the rug for some time now, something i don't think about - those ESL classes in kindergarten, the speech therapy classes, the idea that i never could completely belong - i hid among those that looked like me, afraid to venture outside.
his book brought all those feelings back - of being an alien at home.
there was a time i was hehehe, an angry asian girl, so sensitive at every little mention - i stopped because i was getting extreme and it was getting bad for my writing
i guess since then i've laughed at those thoughts, but this book has brought back the awareness i used to have - about how i pronounced words and how i was different
funny how i've forgotten
but i read this book, and it's left me a bit unsettled. it was too real, too close, too raw, too close to home
i liked it, it's complexities and its texture
and how it described being foreign in the only home you know
i guess it's a feeling i've swept under the rug for some time now, something i don't think about - those ESL classes in kindergarten, the speech therapy classes, the idea that i never could completely belong - i hid among those that looked like me, afraid to venture outside.
his book brought all those feelings back - of being an alien at home.
there was a time i was hehehe, an angry asian girl, so sensitive at every little mention - i stopped because i was getting extreme and it was getting bad for my writing
i guess since then i've laughed at those thoughts, but this book has brought back the awareness i used to have - about how i pronounced words and how i was different
funny how i've forgotten
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
You know you're ghetto when...
You have no money
1) You're standing in line for fast food, you order two baskets of shrimp, plus another of chicken - THEN as they ring it up, you notice the cash sign, look into your wallet, and notice NOTHING. The cashier is nice and says there is a ATM machine in the store. You walk over try it, but your stupid de-magnetized card doesn't work. You run back to the cashier, and say, can you wait some more, your card is de-magnitized. She says, go over to Carl's Junior. You think rather than spend the money on that different machine fee, you walk over to the supermarket (the whole time you're super dressed up, in heels) and then call to see if your family truly needs the chicken and shrimp - and they say no. So you stop.
So choices:
A) Go to the gas, and then decide should I go get money and get the food?
B) Or should I be ghetto and go back and say sorry, my card is busted and I'm broke.
C) Finally, should I be super ghetto and drive away?
Um, choice C was picked. Can't head into that Popeyes anymore.
2) You have big country singer hair and need a haircut, but it's gotten so bad you need a haircut NOW! So instead of being real ghetto and going to any hair stylist on the street, you call your regular stylist - who is coincidentally preggers and is totally going to pop, and so her schedule is very full. But because you're a regular client, she makes an exception.
Only that you're 30 minutes late, and she makes another exception and fits you in.
But because you were late, you didn't have cash again (money goes straight to chocolate and boba, baby!) and had to rush over to the ATM - only the stupid card doesn't work in the nearby cafe ATM, so you quietly slip out feeling lame - and go to the supermarket - to buy a drink and get money.
And because the stylist is fitting you in, she doesn't have time to think about what she's doing - so your country hair has become well - it's still country, i guess - it's a mullet now.
3) You decide to be a good kid and take out your parents, and decide on the BEST. Only the restaurant they choose is again CASH ONLY.
So you tell your parents to pay, and get the money out of your account.
ok, all three happened to me :/
You have no money
1) You're standing in line for fast food, you order two baskets of shrimp, plus another of chicken - THEN as they ring it up, you notice the cash sign, look into your wallet, and notice NOTHING. The cashier is nice and says there is a ATM machine in the store. You walk over try it, but your stupid de-magnetized card doesn't work. You run back to the cashier, and say, can you wait some more, your card is de-magnitized. She says, go over to Carl's Junior. You think rather than spend the money on that different machine fee, you walk over to the supermarket (the whole time you're super dressed up, in heels) and then call to see if your family truly needs the chicken and shrimp - and they say no. So you stop.
So choices:
A) Go to the gas, and then decide should I go get money and get the food?
B) Or should I be ghetto and go back and say sorry, my card is busted and I'm broke.
C) Finally, should I be super ghetto and drive away?
Um, choice C was picked. Can't head into that Popeyes anymore.
2) You have big country singer hair and need a haircut, but it's gotten so bad you need a haircut NOW! So instead of being real ghetto and going to any hair stylist on the street, you call your regular stylist - who is coincidentally preggers and is totally going to pop, and so her schedule is very full. But because you're a regular client, she makes an exception.
Only that you're 30 minutes late, and she makes another exception and fits you in.
But because you were late, you didn't have cash again (money goes straight to chocolate and boba, baby!) and had to rush over to the ATM - only the stupid card doesn't work in the nearby cafe ATM, so you quietly slip out feeling lame - and go to the supermarket - to buy a drink and get money.
And because the stylist is fitting you in, she doesn't have time to think about what she's doing - so your country hair has become well - it's still country, i guess - it's a mullet now.
3) You decide to be a good kid and take out your parents, and decide on the BEST. Only the restaurant they choose is again CASH ONLY.
So you tell your parents to pay, and get the money out of your account.
ok, all three happened to me :/
Sunday, May 08, 2005
i watched the movie bottlerockets the other day. i watched it for a class as a soph in college - thot the movie was alright, but didn't completely get it - while my professor (who was in his 30's) was sooooo into the movie - i think he spent like 2 or 3 classes on it.
well, when i watched it again the other day, i finally got it - because i was the same age as the characters in the movie - back then, i thot they were weird slackers with no game plan to their future - now, i get why they are confused.
i feel like i'm in a cross words in my life. lately, it's been so exhausting being an emotional glue to my family - and as a result, i've been really avoiding thinking about it too much by working and playing my brains out (went to vegas twice recently)
le sigh
my friends today asked if we would have a breakdown when we turned 30 - hmmm, maybe not a breakdown, but a hissy fit, then a raid at a toys store, then lots of chocolate and ice cream. LOTS of ice cream
which leads to a funny comment that was right on - my bro said if i was ever to make music videos - they would all be set in the magical forest with stuffed animals and real animals dancing around. um yeah. heck yeah.
well, when i watched it again the other day, i finally got it - because i was the same age as the characters in the movie - back then, i thot they were weird slackers with no game plan to their future - now, i get why they are confused.
i feel like i'm in a cross words in my life. lately, it's been so exhausting being an emotional glue to my family - and as a result, i've been really avoiding thinking about it too much by working and playing my brains out (went to vegas twice recently)
le sigh
my friends today asked if we would have a breakdown when we turned 30 - hmmm, maybe not a breakdown, but a hissy fit, then a raid at a toys store, then lots of chocolate and ice cream. LOTS of ice cream
which leads to a funny comment that was right on - my bro said if i was ever to make music videos - they would all be set in the magical forest with stuffed animals and real animals dancing around. um yeah. heck yeah.
