Friday, March 31, 2006
love is a joke with no punchline.
there is some truth to that line from a cartoon.
lately this blog has come off as emotional vomit. I don't mean to, but to tell u the truth, i'm just a random quirky person, more like phoebe than monica or rachel, and as much as i try to be rachel, i become more like phoebe, weirder and weirder.
i write about love today bc its always proved to be elusive, not bc i haven't had chances at it but bc i've been to scared to dive into it. but in all honesty, i'm really a heart person, very passionate, but i've poured all that energy into work rather than into another person. this is only that i'm scared. i have bad stories of being hurt, but not bad enough that i would want to be barred from love, only the fear that i would be scarred forever. i guess this would put me in a sad loop, forever limiting myself.
so i find myself like the guy in a relationship, unattachable with a fear of the big C and then the big M. i'm serious, i can't even say those words out loud, fearing that they would chain me into an inevitable prison, a little wifey who is pitted to an eternal hell of aprons and cookies.
admittingly, like any other stupid girl i've dreamt about my wedding, the over-the-top white poofy dress with a long train, not to mention a tiara, and hundreds at my reception - but i didn't want to pay for that day with a lifetime.
all i want is someone who can hold me and tell me everything is ok.
that line from wedding singer struck a chord with me. that's simply all i've wanted. i can give you a whole lame list - blahdeblahdeblah but that's it. another friend would say, if he smells right, literally....
his stank must rank.
i go into his relationship mumbo jumbo only bc i recently got back from a wedding. my friends joke that with my tude, they'll have to drag me to their weddings. i don't intend on being a cynic but i just haven't seen that storybook romance be true to life. i find myself holding my heart and wondering...
can i trust my own gut?
we'll see
but don't expect any stupid pink invitations. remember my rule - u ask if i get married and you're disinvited. plus, i wouldn't ever wear pink or have pink at my wedding. i just got dragged recently to a pink floral dress shop, and let's say i ran outta there like somebody farted something bad.
hehehe, what i mean to say is, don't expect me to handle this maturely!
there is some truth to that line from a cartoon.
lately this blog has come off as emotional vomit. I don't mean to, but to tell u the truth, i'm just a random quirky person, more like phoebe than monica or rachel, and as much as i try to be rachel, i become more like phoebe, weirder and weirder.
i write about love today bc its always proved to be elusive, not bc i haven't had chances at it but bc i've been to scared to dive into it. but in all honesty, i'm really a heart person, very passionate, but i've poured all that energy into work rather than into another person. this is only that i'm scared. i have bad stories of being hurt, but not bad enough that i would want to be barred from love, only the fear that i would be scarred forever. i guess this would put me in a sad loop, forever limiting myself.
so i find myself like the guy in a relationship, unattachable with a fear of the big C and then the big M. i'm serious, i can't even say those words out loud, fearing that they would chain me into an inevitable prison, a little wifey who is pitted to an eternal hell of aprons and cookies.
admittingly, like any other stupid girl i've dreamt about my wedding, the over-the-top white poofy dress with a long train, not to mention a tiara, and hundreds at my reception - but i didn't want to pay for that day with a lifetime.
all i want is someone who can hold me and tell me everything is ok.
that line from wedding singer struck a chord with me. that's simply all i've wanted. i can give you a whole lame list - blahdeblahdeblah but that's it. another friend would say, if he smells right, literally....
his stank must rank.
i go into his relationship mumbo jumbo only bc i recently got back from a wedding. my friends joke that with my tude, they'll have to drag me to their weddings. i don't intend on being a cynic but i just haven't seen that storybook romance be true to life. i find myself holding my heart and wondering...
can i trust my own gut?
we'll see
but don't expect any stupid pink invitations. remember my rule - u ask if i get married and you're disinvited. plus, i wouldn't ever wear pink or have pink at my wedding. i just got dragged recently to a pink floral dress shop, and let's say i ran outta there like somebody farted something bad.
hehehe, what i mean to say is, don't expect me to handle this maturely!
Friday, March 03, 2006
sorry i've been gone.
well seriously i have been writing but i've only saved the posts as drafts, b/c they were TOO WACKY (is that possible?) or TOO SERIOUS (can i seriously be too serious?) to post so i deleted them. hehehe.
i just had a great interview with a rocker. not that i picked the inner workings of his mind, well, i tried to. but that i had a real conversation with him. like he started asking me what i listen to and seriously wanted me to go to the show. ok, this part started after i asked if he was dating anyone - ok, maybe in retrospect that is a lil shady but i liked his music a LOT and ask ALL artists if they are dating anyone - it's the band SHE WANTS REVENGE -- and i like them b/c they are delightfully moody and tortured. and at the time i was in that mood. so i'm hoping to meet this DJ :) heehee
truthfully, it's been a silly wish of mine to date an artist - not seriously, like ONE date, just so i can say it. it's silly. but it's been a very STRESSFUL last months so i'm allowed to be completely weird and say outlandish stuff. sure, the opportunity could have come up if i pressed on it, but i never bothered to. my friends say that i shudn't be wowed each time i get hit on but i do. it's kind of neat/yucky depending on if it happens.
like this one promoter keeps calling me (i broke my rule of giving my cellie out b/c i was working at home. darn!) asking to hang out - and after our last interview he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek - and i was like - wait a sec --- first thinking if it was a hollywood moment where they kiss on the cheeks or something i should worry about. i settled on something i shud worry about b/c it wasn't in hollywood it was in SAN JOSE!
it's a lil ironic though, i was talking to a journalism student who read THE GAME (pick it up! it's about the secret dealings of pickup artists) and we were talking about what would it be like for a female version - which i retorted, girls don't need lines - we are the ones that get approached....hehehe...though you should read my bro's blog about his triumph in talking to a girl - funny stuff: http://www.xanga.com/johnnyliu
ok, enough of my ramblings about artists.
i've been awful clumsy -- i'll list some very embarassing moments
1. stupid kitty heels lead to TWO falls
- slid on the ground, people saw, but most importantly did not fall
- the linoleum this time really GOT me - i fell onto my knees - stupid knee is still green - nobody saw, so like the saying if a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw, did it really happen? (well, it might not bruise like i did, but who knows, i cuda been in this mad judo fight and while i kicked their butt, they only bruised my knee!)
2. carrying too much stuff
- yesterday leaving work (i'm gonna blame it on the linoleum again) i dropped all my stuff, like all these random business cards flew out and i felt like a dork, sprawled out in my high heeled boots trying to collect it all (but again nobody saw, so did it really happen?)
- and this morning, i dropped everything outside, and my soy milk box drink got bruised and muddy. and this time TWO people saw. urrr. this reminds me of the awful time i was a senior in high school (ok, two times, and this is why i hate umbrellas)
1. late to class, carrying stupid umbrella, fell in puddle (o wait, this is when i was a freshman) stupid senior pointed and laughed at me - i blame the umbrella
2. late to class as a senior, carrying umbrella, fell down a steep muddy area, slid down in mud, i blame the umbrella!!!
ok, back to work now :op
well seriously i have been writing but i've only saved the posts as drafts, b/c they were TOO WACKY (is that possible?) or TOO SERIOUS (can i seriously be too serious?) to post so i deleted them. hehehe.
i just had a great interview with a rocker. not that i picked the inner workings of his mind, well, i tried to. but that i had a real conversation with him. like he started asking me what i listen to and seriously wanted me to go to the show. ok, this part started after i asked if he was dating anyone - ok, maybe in retrospect that is a lil shady but i liked his music a LOT and ask ALL artists if they are dating anyone - it's the band SHE WANTS REVENGE -- and i like them b/c they are delightfully moody and tortured. and at the time i was in that mood. so i'm hoping to meet this DJ :) heehee
truthfully, it's been a silly wish of mine to date an artist - not seriously, like ONE date, just so i can say it. it's silly. but it's been a very STRESSFUL last months so i'm allowed to be completely weird and say outlandish stuff. sure, the opportunity could have come up if i pressed on it, but i never bothered to. my friends say that i shudn't be wowed each time i get hit on but i do. it's kind of neat/yucky depending on if it happens.
like this one promoter keeps calling me (i broke my rule of giving my cellie out b/c i was working at home. darn!) asking to hang out - and after our last interview he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek - and i was like - wait a sec --- first thinking if it was a hollywood moment where they kiss on the cheeks or something i should worry about. i settled on something i shud worry about b/c it wasn't in hollywood it was in SAN JOSE!
it's a lil ironic though, i was talking to a journalism student who read THE GAME (pick it up! it's about the secret dealings of pickup artists) and we were talking about what would it be like for a female version - which i retorted, girls don't need lines - we are the ones that get approached....hehehe...though you should read my bro's blog about his triumph in talking to a girl - funny stuff: http://www.xanga.com/johnnyliu
ok, enough of my ramblings about artists.
i've been awful clumsy -- i'll list some very embarassing moments
1. stupid kitty heels lead to TWO falls
- slid on the ground, people saw, but most importantly did not fall
- the linoleum this time really GOT me - i fell onto my knees - stupid knee is still green - nobody saw, so like the saying if a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw, did it really happen? (well, it might not bruise like i did, but who knows, i cuda been in this mad judo fight and while i kicked their butt, they only bruised my knee!)
2. carrying too much stuff
- yesterday leaving work (i'm gonna blame it on the linoleum again) i dropped all my stuff, like all these random business cards flew out and i felt like a dork, sprawled out in my high heeled boots trying to collect it all (but again nobody saw, so did it really happen?)
- and this morning, i dropped everything outside, and my soy milk box drink got bruised and muddy. and this time TWO people saw. urrr. this reminds me of the awful time i was a senior in high school (ok, two times, and this is why i hate umbrellas)
1. late to class, carrying stupid umbrella, fell in puddle (o wait, this is when i was a freshman) stupid senior pointed and laughed at me - i blame the umbrella
2. late to class as a senior, carrying umbrella, fell down a steep muddy area, slid down in mud, i blame the umbrella!!!
ok, back to work now :op
