Tigz

I think the hardest thing about living is letting go.

I've always kept things in - thinking that it would be easier, preventing myself from being hurt - sparing my little piece that I could hold dear.

I guess I've changed policies. I remember once one of my friends straight up told a guy that he had the most beautiful eyes - he was taken - but she did anyways - b/c life is too short, she said.

And, life is about letting go - it makes it more thrilling - and even if it's scary, like the initial look over the side of a plane before you jump into midair - it's incredible - and u feel the most clear. and you wonder why u didn't do it earlier.

there are those who think when u give it away, you lose part of yourself - until it all whittles away and you areleft with nothing - yet, I've learned from much heartbreak that it's the opposite - that you gain something, something that is just as precious and u find yourself in the process.

I've been so confused lately - in this weird mid crisis - not really a kid, not really an adult - not sure where my life is leading - where my relationships were going.

And, instead of worrying and going crazy - I realized finally, that it's all up to God - and I'm really in His hands - that whatever will happen will happen - I just have to jump and trust that it'll all be okay.

random parts of my body still hurt - maybe it wasn't a good idea to be dragged by a skier while snowboarding downhill on a black diamond :Op hmmmm

my hand is getting to the normal color again, away from purplish maroon

anyways, been hacking away making a butt-load of jewelry - which really doesn't amount to much - which really is only enough to fill maybe 1/16th of a table!!!

ack - need to hire high school interns - or better yet, those wizard of oz monkees!!!

just got back from another week in the mtns - snowboarded and skiied - my whole body is sore and purple :( it hurts to move.

my goal is tho - to get good enuf to buy some equipment

i think i need another vacation.

back at work now - i think i'm at the point now, 2+ years in, where i really care about the people i work with as i guess a surrogate family. but after being so burnt out before vacation, i'm trying to gain steam again for writing. so my biggest new years resolutions

1. balance
2. weight - chocolate always finds me tho!

here's a quick breakdown of my vacation
1. whalewatching - just like in finding nemo, there are hundreds of dolphins following us, and riding the boats wave, it was soooooo awesome and picturesque and surreal. almost as cool as when i petted a dolphin in singapore - he was pink and named pinki - and he blew air out when i petted him :)

but then the evil part was when the captain of the boat when berzerky and decided to sail super fast and rocky - everyone got sick - and all the guys threw up. so by the time the whales showed up, nobody cared - some random person cuda been on another boat faking air holes and we wudnt' have known

2. boarding - like always i always somehow get stuck on black diamond and get freaked out and attempt to get down - wanted to slide on my butt down, but too many trees! was soooo sore the next day, fortunately did some yoga so that helped out :)

3. sleep :) - i luv sleep except i get weird dreams sometimes like evil pyramids.

I'm going again this weekend :) yay! maybe this time i won't get stuck on black diamond - and maybe this time, i'll win a bigger stuffed animal at Circus Circus - they have care bears now!

something geeky (like my attempt of making my friends guess Galapagos Island in the 20 ? game) : LOTR personality test

here's what i got: Eowyn, Lady of Rohan
Eowyn can read other people well and seeks for romance and adventure.

You trust intuition, and prize recognition. You are a natural host, making sure everyone is comfortable. Social interaction energizes you. The more people the merrier. You have a tendency to introspection. While providing compassion and being considerate, you may have the tendency of being soft-hearted or even "too emotional" You try to schedule your life as much as possible. You tend to finish your work before resting.

after all that girliness that even weirded cal out - i had to balance it with (commence some tim the toolman barking) meat and shooting!

- i've eaten beef twice - even tho there have been 5 counts of mad cow in the bay area, i'm trying not to be paranoid, but if i start acting mad, ull know why!

- my buddy abe is a cop and so we all went shooting - my aim is still a little off, still got to work on that - b/c of the kickback, i tend to anticipate too much and psyche myself out too much - i think i tend to psyche myself out a lot in general anyways

- then watched BAND OF BROTHERs, a war movie plus BATTLE ROYAL - where this one class of jr highers in japan gets picked to join this battle - where they basically kill each other until one is left - it's pretty bloody.

In other news, I got voted as Suavest reporter and the merc as suavest newspaper :) - here's a look see: 2003 Suave Awards

just finished a lil girlie party over manicures and sex in the city. have a lil bling bling on my nails - and still have to figure out what to do with my last week off.

i wonder how my life will play out when i'm 35...

i have a very thin skin. at least much thinner than most reporters.

i always get the meanest emails - telling me that i'm wrong, that i don't know anything - that mercury sucks - even that i'm racist - usually, i get stung so bad, i question why i'm even in the business = then i put them in my evil folder or delete them.

most senders want u to write back, and think ur a loser if u don't, but then are surprised if they hear from. on one hand, it sucks. i'm basically public property and a public scapegoat = on the otherhand, like my boss says, it's a cool thing that people think so strongly - like the paper is part of a community and they feel they have equal ownership.

and something else that's cool? my past articles now are on various bulletin boards, used in school curriculum on pop culture and cited in research papers. it's amazing - it wasn't too long ago, i was on the other side :)

here's a read:
1. for a story, i thot people hated
2. as part of a curriculum
3. part of a research paper