Tigz

ha it's been 4 years since posting.

i feel so defeated.

Thanks for the well wishes. It's been a tough two months. First getting sick, then having bronchitis and traveling while sick, and back to work with a lingering cough.

I'm taking a break right now from writing a big story -- truthfully my brain hurts a bit, so I'm taking a breather.

Just some random thoughts:

When you go into a bathroom, and you enter a stall, only to discover it's hell on earth, what is the etiquette to getting out of there and going into another stall? esp if you see the person exiting the stall that made that unholy stank? what if they're exiting it with a smile? I wonder if I ever exited happy, only to have somebody enter unhappy.

I interviewed a person today, she's white and female and basically acts as an agent to artists and works primarily in rap - I asked her if she ever got intimadated. She says its no big deal. I asked because I think sometimes I make it a big deal for myself and make myself intimidated. I feel like a little kid sometimes instead of a reporter, tugging at a big bad adult's big jacket, saying, "excuse me, excuse me, but do you mind if i asked you a teeny question?"

On being intimidated, I went to my high school reunion. I felt like an idiot. For a person that had mostly an azn experience in high school, the main people that showed where white - and the jocks. There were people I didn't talk to at all in high school. I basically felt like I was meeting people for the first time. They looked at me blankly and were like - AND YOU WERE? And look at me up and down, and was like, SORRY I DON'T REMEMBER YOU. And I feel like scuttling away. To add insult to injury, one guy even said, I don't remember you, but I remember you (talking to Mike). The only funny thing was that that guy and Mike wore the exact thing - white dress shirt, grey pants, down to the exact same leather jacket. Mike even accidently tried on this guy's jacket instead of his own. It was like a bad scene from prom - SHE WORE THE SAME OUTFIT AS ME! WE CAN'T STAND TOGETHER!

Then Mike went around asking how I was in high school - I guess for curiousity's sake - only to get blank answers like. I don't know. She was quiet. She didn't talk much. I had to call up Deep and ask her -- Was I really like that? Gee whiz, I don't remember being that shy. Did I change that much?

People talk about high school being their golden years, their best years in life. I think that's kind of sad, because that's the first decade of your life and there's so much living to do after that. I think I came to my own after college and am still in the process. Admittingly I'm a late bloomer. I don't think I was necessarily that shy but I didn't go outside my comfort zone. I still have problems doing that but I think my zone has expanded a bit. And my fun years are still happening - it started after college I think.

Maybe because I'm still getting used to being comfortable in my own skin. If you were going to psycho-analyze me, truthfully, I'm not really into being me - journalism is a sweet escape into others' lives. That's why we never really write about ourselves - we're always constantly into others. Maybe that's why I haven't upkept this blog so much, because I'm not really sure what to say about myself. I'm usually at a loss.

The other day a student asked me the classic question I always ask celebrities -- SO DESCRIBE YOURSELF. I started talking about my job. As for me, I don't know. I'm still figuring that out!

I've been feeling down in the dumps lately - and i guess today's foul weather doesn't help. i don't know. i think i've just been real burnt out. maybe i'm at that point in life you know - the late 20's becoming an adult and it sucks stage. or something deep inside has run afoul and i'm trying to find my wings again.

the other day, a friend got on my case for not acting like myself - then i stopped and was like - uh, what does that even mean? i'm not sure what myself is. after being single for like a max of 5 months of my life since 15, i can't give you a clear definition of what myself is.

for me, i don't step back and think a lot. things just keep happening. life keeps happening. it's not like life is passing me by. but i think that i live at such a speed that i don't know what is going on. sometimes i think i need one of those vacations where i just don't do anything, just sit there and reflect.

i hafta go watch that movie LAST KISS, -- zach braff's last movie JERSEY STATE kinda struck a note with me and i think this one will too. i don't know why, but i feel confused a lot about what life will turn up. i actually had the chance to interview him but i didn't - well, one because i had a LOT of stories and couldn't handle it and two, because i have the biggest crush on him because he's saying what's on my mind and i was worried that if i met him i would fall desperately in love with him. and that wouldn't be professional! jk.

hopefully this raincloud on my life will life soon!

every now and then i say something deep. laughs aside, it really doesn't happen that often.

maybe bc i write for a living and try to escape using complicated thoughts, or maybe bc i am horribly awkward at times, but for whatever reason

here goes:

Writing is like love
- you can't force it, it has to come from the heart
- sometimes you find inspiration in the least likeliest of places
- often times, it's easier just to put it simply
- don't rush it, and don't muck it up with a lot of extra details that don't matter at the time
- in other words, you have to make them feel you, relate to you

Here i am once again, waiting for an artist to call.

doo de doo doo (humming in my head)

earlier today i had an interview, and my recorder totally died, making me type it, how old skool is that! jk i'm just being lazy tho i was sad cuz i cudn't podcast it then.

so how have i been lately? been a sad workaholic - working weekends too! and briefly got a lil sick that i had to leave a concert early because was feeling a lil dizzy. i'm glad that this weekend, i turned down an interview and have a free weekend to myself yay! (i'm bad at turning things down)

but let me tell you some crazy adventure.

so i interviewed apl again of bep - i'm leaving this story on this blog bc its kinda too hilarious and non-sensical for my work one.

so apl was buzzed. buzzed to the point that some girls asked him --

"apl are you buzzed?"

"YEAAAaaaAAAH" says Apl.

Thankfully, during the interview, he's fine - just needs to think extra hard to answer my questions.

But afterwards, we take a picture with him, the director and me.

Apl says, "LETS MAKE A SANDWICH!" -- I'm in the middle. (photo is above)

then, afterwards, we head back to the club area, where he pulls on the back on my shirt and says:

YOU'RE HAVING A DRINK WITH ME.

ok, so i stayed a lil bc i felt bad. but there were no extra cups, and he was slurry in his speech, so i stayed, then left, bc people started thinking i was part of his crew and bugging me to get to him -- also, girls were throwing themselves at him, so i hightailed out.

but, i made a video of the interviews (minus the buzzed apl) here. check it out :)

Your Quirk Factor: 56%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!