Friday, March 31, 2006
love is a joke with no punchline.
there is some truth to that line from a cartoon.
lately this blog has come off as emotional vomit. I don't mean to, but to tell u the truth, i'm just a random quirky person, more like phoebe than monica or rachel, and as much as i try to be rachel, i become more like phoebe, weirder and weirder.
i write about love today bc its always proved to be elusive, not bc i haven't had chances at it but bc i've been to scared to dive into it. but in all honesty, i'm really a heart person, very passionate, but i've poured all that energy into work rather than into another person. this is only that i'm scared. i have bad stories of being hurt, but not bad enough that i would want to be barred from love, only the fear that i would be scarred forever. i guess this would put me in a sad loop, forever limiting myself.
so i find myself like the guy in a relationship, unattachable with a fear of the big C and then the big M. i'm serious, i can't even say those words out loud, fearing that they would chain me into an inevitable prison, a little wifey who is pitted to an eternal hell of aprons and cookies.
admittingly, like any other stupid girl i've dreamt about my wedding, the over-the-top white poofy dress with a long train, not to mention a tiara, and hundreds at my reception - but i didn't want to pay for that day with a lifetime.
all i want is someone who can hold me and tell me everything is ok.
that line from wedding singer struck a chord with me. that's simply all i've wanted. i can give you a whole lame list - blahdeblahdeblah but that's it. another friend would say, if he smells right, literally....
his stank must rank.
i go into his relationship mumbo jumbo only bc i recently got back from a wedding. my friends joke that with my tude, they'll have to drag me to their weddings. i don't intend on being a cynic but i just haven't seen that storybook romance be true to life. i find myself holding my heart and wondering...
can i trust my own gut?
we'll see
but don't expect any stupid pink invitations. remember my rule - u ask if i get married and you're disinvited. plus, i wouldn't ever wear pink or have pink at my wedding. i just got dragged recently to a pink floral dress shop, and let's say i ran outta there like somebody farted something bad.
hehehe, what i mean to say is, don't expect me to handle this maturely!
there is some truth to that line from a cartoon.
lately this blog has come off as emotional vomit. I don't mean to, but to tell u the truth, i'm just a random quirky person, more like phoebe than monica or rachel, and as much as i try to be rachel, i become more like phoebe, weirder and weirder.
i write about love today bc its always proved to be elusive, not bc i haven't had chances at it but bc i've been to scared to dive into it. but in all honesty, i'm really a heart person, very passionate, but i've poured all that energy into work rather than into another person. this is only that i'm scared. i have bad stories of being hurt, but not bad enough that i would want to be barred from love, only the fear that i would be scarred forever. i guess this would put me in a sad loop, forever limiting myself.
so i find myself like the guy in a relationship, unattachable with a fear of the big C and then the big M. i'm serious, i can't even say those words out loud, fearing that they would chain me into an inevitable prison, a little wifey who is pitted to an eternal hell of aprons and cookies.
admittingly, like any other stupid girl i've dreamt about my wedding, the over-the-top white poofy dress with a long train, not to mention a tiara, and hundreds at my reception - but i didn't want to pay for that day with a lifetime.
all i want is someone who can hold me and tell me everything is ok.
that line from wedding singer struck a chord with me. that's simply all i've wanted. i can give you a whole lame list - blahdeblahdeblah but that's it. another friend would say, if he smells right, literally....
his stank must rank.
i go into his relationship mumbo jumbo only bc i recently got back from a wedding. my friends joke that with my tude, they'll have to drag me to their weddings. i don't intend on being a cynic but i just haven't seen that storybook romance be true to life. i find myself holding my heart and wondering...
can i trust my own gut?
we'll see
but don't expect any stupid pink invitations. remember my rule - u ask if i get married and you're disinvited. plus, i wouldn't ever wear pink or have pink at my wedding. i just got dragged recently to a pink floral dress shop, and let's say i ran outta there like somebody farted something bad.
hehehe, what i mean to say is, don't expect me to handle this maturely!
# posted by Marian @ 12:21 AM 
