Thursday, July 15, 2004
i've always been against growing up - like toys r us is totally my theme song - but i guess lately i've been learning that growing up and maturing are two different things - and i'm should be striving toward maturing (even tho i got real sad when I couldn't wear overalls to work)
like growing up represented to me all the boringness and horribless in life - like being chained down in a marriage you hate and dealing with screaming kids, and taxes and mortgages - while preventing that process meant you can still buy stuffed animals.
but i guess maturing means that i can deal with that "m word" but still buy stuff animals? i'm kidding.
over the china trip, friends would constantly ask me - what do you want? i had no idea. tell you the truth, i had no idea who i was? am? and what i really strove for in life.
you see, work had taken over so much of it, i think i was blinded to everything else. i was so ambitious to aim so high that when work didn't exactly satisfy, i came at a loss.
so when the question came up of what i want, i guess i was ill equipped to answer, because i've been blindsighted at work, and a total people pleaser, so what i wanted became what other people wanted, because that made them happy and in turn made me happy.
so by the transitive property, if i then don't know what i want, then i don't know what makes me happy. which is pretty sucky...but here's a start:
10 things i cannot live without:
1. God
2. my brother
3. love - i could be shallow and say a hot guy - but after rethinking it, it's really just the feeling of being loved and cared for and being able to reciprocate that back, and that isn't limited to that one guy, hot or not)
4. my blanket (don't ask)
5. bear hugs (i was debating this, cuz i'm not touchy feely, but it's nice when it happens, a long time ago i was talking with ken about the necessity of people at work who would just be there to hug you after something went wrong, i wish that could be implemented but i guess that's weird for a workplace)
5. friends i can tell all my deepest darkest secrets to
6. email
6. my cell phone (these two being my way of contacting friends)
7. my class ring (the one me and angela share)
8. i guess to be good, i'll say my parents
9. dark chocolate
10. sleep
5 things I cannot live with:
1. mean people and mean comments
2. my upset stomach
3. spiders and anything creepy crawly
4. socks esp nylons
5. stinky tofu
like growing up represented to me all the boringness and horribless in life - like being chained down in a marriage you hate and dealing with screaming kids, and taxes and mortgages - while preventing that process meant you can still buy stuffed animals.
but i guess maturing means that i can deal with that "m word" but still buy stuff animals? i'm kidding.
over the china trip, friends would constantly ask me - what do you want? i had no idea. tell you the truth, i had no idea who i was? am? and what i really strove for in life.
you see, work had taken over so much of it, i think i was blinded to everything else. i was so ambitious to aim so high that when work didn't exactly satisfy, i came at a loss.
so when the question came up of what i want, i guess i was ill equipped to answer, because i've been blindsighted at work, and a total people pleaser, so what i wanted became what other people wanted, because that made them happy and in turn made me happy.
so by the transitive property, if i then don't know what i want, then i don't know what makes me happy. which is pretty sucky...but here's a start:
10 things i cannot live without:
1. God
2. my brother
3. love - i could be shallow and say a hot guy - but after rethinking it, it's really just the feeling of being loved and cared for and being able to reciprocate that back, and that isn't limited to that one guy, hot or not)
4. my blanket (don't ask)
5. bear hugs (i was debating this, cuz i'm not touchy feely, but it's nice when it happens, a long time ago i was talking with ken about the necessity of people at work who would just be there to hug you after something went wrong, i wish that could be implemented but i guess that's weird for a workplace)
5. friends i can tell all my deepest darkest secrets to
6. email
6. my cell phone (these two being my way of contacting friends)
7. my class ring (the one me and angela share)
8. i guess to be good, i'll say my parents
9. dark chocolate
10. sleep
5 things I cannot live with:
1. mean people and mean comments
2. my upset stomach
3. spiders and anything creepy crawly
4. socks esp nylons
5. stinky tofu
# posted by Marian @ 10:42 AM 
