Tigz

i now blog once every month it seems :op I guess it's because i'm having trouble keeping my public and private persona apart - like where does backstage end and tigz begin?

well, this time the entry isn't a tale of woe, of horrible hit-ons from entertainment sleazy ones (though it has happened and I won't bore/excite u with the details) and it's not about fruit explosions or what kind of pocky i am now...

no, i'll be real with you. and unlike my bro's friend who spilled out his guts and was immediately made to delete the entry...i'll be quite frank, b/c i don't write as often and i'm not sure who's reading...so i guess i'll count it as therapy.

my sky is falling - it's krazy but i'm alive and well.

first of all it's work -- i wonder if this is where i'm supposed to be right now. work is a lil crazed with the industry changing so much.

there was a time where i wished God would shine a light on what i should be doing with my life and who i should be with...my dad gave me this simple formula that if i did well in elementary school, i would do well in jr high, then good grades in high school which would naturally lead to a good college where i would meet my future husband and then happily ever after.

um...yeah.

didn't quite work out that way i'm sad to say. i'm newly single and hating it. it hurts a lot and my parents are not asking me if i'm okay - instead they remind me that every single moment i'm single, i'm nearing my expiration date and soon i will have no options and die miserably.

right.

i guess it's not really a good time to bring up that i'm cool with adopting kids :OP

but seriously, i've spent my whole life trying to please, doing what i thought the guy in my life wanted. so last summer in china when my friends repeatedly asked me WHAT DO YOU WANT??? I stared at them blankly with no answer.

what do i want? i don't know yet. i've been buying into this whole fake idea that a guy should complete me - that i wasn't complete on my own.

there is a line in the wedding singer where the guy goes - all i want in a girl is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is okay.

and for the longest time that's all i wanted - someone to be there, hold me, and tell me everything was going to be okay.

and now with my parents screaming and my friends' solution to everything being EXTREME CLUBBING, I don't know - esp with all the freaks i've met (which may be the topic of a separate blog, if you're cool, i'll let you know the link - but...I guess now I'm stepping back.

I guess it's time for me to figure out what I want out of life and later who I want to be a part of it. I guess the reassuring thing is that I'm not in any hurry. i dont believe in expiration dates :op

pray that everything works out ok? :)